I've been thinking a lot about home. Maybe it's because I spent a month away from it, or maybe because I was able to visit the home where I grew up, but it's been on my mind a lot the past couple of weeks. One of the most interesting things that came of our East Coast travels last month was a new perspective on where we live. If you've been reading for awhile, you know how much I love Arizona, but throughout my adult life I've always, always had a strong pull back to the East Coast.
Over many years and many family vacations we've visited and revisited the places in New Jersey, Vermont, and the surrounding states I spent my childhood in. And while doing so, I would almost always feel a desire to be there. I would come home from these trips wanting to look at rentals and real estate and talk to Hank about moving cross country. I would research the teaching certification process in New Jersey, or the doctoral programs at The University of Vermont. Dreams. When I take a step back I can see that there has always been a tiny sadness somewhere deep inside of me hinting at something unfinished out there. I moved at a tender, transformative age- right in the beginning of my teen years and about to finish middle school. The in-between years. I was lucky enough to have a great transition and really loved my new home in Arizona, but I can recall looking back to my old life, my old friends, and miss what was.
Perhaps that's why in my adult life I at times have had a hard time just saying goodbye or calling something "the end." I mean, I would do it, but internally it would always bother me. Over the years though I've managed to hone the fine art of letting go, and I'm pretty good at it now. It's easier for me to recognize something and say "okay, this season is done," and move on, although like anyone certain seasons or people or places can be harder to say goodbye to. But goodbyes are of course part of life...
So anyway, during our travels last month I had the opportunity to really immerse myself into the world I came from. We ate at our favorite places, drove down my beloved scenic roads, dipped our toes into the lake that's always made me the happiest. Nostalgia. For a whole month. But now, something was different. Gone was the longing to stay. Instead I felt happy to visit, this time with both of my boys, but I wasn't feeling a pull to pack up everyone and start a life in Shelburne, Jackson, or a million little towns in Maine. Somewhere along the past ten years, Prescott had officially became my home.
And it's weird because it really has felt like home for a lot of those ten years, but it wasn't until I was able to see how much I'd grown out of one thing and into the now that I accepted it. Or something like that. Regardless, it feels good to feel good about this. To feel like the dreams I have for my family are rooted securely somewhere solid, in a place we live in the town we call home. It's a relief to be where I want to be, and to know that I'm at a point in my life where I'm not wishing away my todays or tomorrows- I'm recognizing that some places are beautiful and magical via memory, and will probably always hold a special place for me, but in this season of our life, we're right where we should be. Right here at home.
Labels: arizona, east coast, east coast vacation, home, on home, Prescott, thoughts
Some days are just a little magical. Almost-four year olds nod at every suggestion, 15-month olds don't fuss or cry, and everything goes a little smoother than usual. This morning was one of those mornings- one of those rare, easy-breezy times where we kind of just floated through our day and believe you me, I tucked every bit of it away in a safe place to pull out during a crazy day when I need some serenity.
It's getting colder in our town, with temperatures dipping down into the 30s. Jackets and hats and warm socks are a must, and as we walked through town checking off to-dos and getting our errands done, I had such an overwhelming happy feeling in my heart. It's good to feel like I'm HOME, you know? I've lived here for about nine years and I think I'll always be grateful for this place- for a town that became a new home that felt like an old one, from the very beginning. There's something special about Prescott, from all the old houses to the Back to the Future-esque town square, the "Everyone's Hometown" banners on the streetlamps to the store fronts decorated for the holidays. Now, I know I tend to romanticize things but there really is a feeling that hangs around here, and if you pay close enough attention I'm sure you'll feel it too- it's a mix of friendliness and familiarity and a bit of funny quirkiness. I love it.
So we walked, we jumped in leaves, we ate cookies out of the brown paper bakery bags, all to the soundtrack of baby laughter and crunching leaves. We enjoyed this cold-but-not-too-cold day that left our noses a little more red and our cheeks hurting from smiling so much, and now as I sit here writing this I am feeling lucky for all of it, way down deep in my toes. I'm certain this good day will carry over right into the not-so-good ones that will inevitably come, and for that I am thankful.
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Labels: Autumn, charlie and mama, downtown, fall, family, henry and charlie, henry and me, home, Prescott, the square, walk
